2009 found Brian Acton in need of a job. Despite an impressive career in computer programming, both Facebook and Twitter rejected his application. Later that year, Acton and Jan Koum founded WhatsApp. In 2014, Facebook acquired WhatsApp. The price tag – approximately US$19 billion.
Rejection can deliver one heck of a gut punch. That punch could knock you so far of course that finding your way back may appear impossible. However, when you know how to handle rejection, the experience need not hold you back.
When it comes to rejection, everyone is fair game. So, how can you manage rejection better so that you can live the life you deserve? This post has some effective tips that could help.
First, let us take a look at why people fear rejection.
Why Do People Fear Rejection?
Stories like Acton’s are common. Can you imagine Apple without Steve Jobs? Well, Jobs once got fired from Apple. Elon Musk got the boot as PayPal’s CEO. Today, Musk is the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX. In 2015, the sharks on Shark Tank refused to back Melissa Butler’s company called The Lip Bar. In 2018, valuation for The Lip Bar was at $7 million.
These stories and countless others are a reminder that rejection is not a death sentence. You can bounce back after someone turns you down. For many people, however, rejection remains one of their greatest fears.
Fear can be a useful emotion that keeps you safe from harm. However, too much fear can have a crippling effect. The fear of rejection can come from several sources. Here are some of the most common.
- You Misunderstand What Rejection Means: Rejection is not a statement of someone’s worth. Nor is it a reflection of who a person is. However, some people view a rebuff or dismissal as a personal failure. Each time someone turns you down may, therefore, feel like a personal attack.
- You Have Low Self-Esteem: When you have a fragile sense of self, you tend to seek external validation. When you seek approval from others, any type of rejection could cause great pain.
- You Do Not Want to be Lonely: Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should just for the company? People have a natural, deep-seated need to belong to something or someone. Rejection can leave you grappling with loneliness, which could cause a great amount of fear.
Our Best Tips on How to Deal with Rejection
How you react to rejection is often more significant than the event itself. As Epictetus said: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” Here are some practical tips you can use to handle rejection better.
1. Do Not Take Rejection to Heart
Rejection is rarely, if ever, personal. So, although this is a tough ask, try not to take it to heart. When you personalize rejection, you may become angry and resentful. Resentment said Malachy McCourt: “is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
2. Accept Your Rejection
Whichever way you choose to slice it, there is no denying that rejection hurts. People are hardwired to avoid pain. However, refusing to accept your rejection can be harmful. You could delay your healing and your ability to move on. What is more, you could miss out on a valuable opportunity to learn.
3. Allow Yourself Time to Feel All Your Emotions
Rejection can often stir up some strong emotions. Expressing those emotions may make you feel vulnerable. However, try not to deny how you feel. Emotions have a nasty habit of intensifying when kept bottled up.
4. Stop Picking at the “Wound”
When you pick at a physical wound, it takes longer to heal. Rejection behaves in the same way. So, set aside some time to ‘mourn,’ and then make a conscious effort to move on. When you replay the rejection too often, you may increase your emotional distress. You may also begin to struggle with mental health problems, which could make it harder to move on.
5. Change How You View Rejection
Wayne Dyer once said: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Experts agree that failure is a much more powerful teacher than success. So, instead of asking “why me” when someone rejects you, ask yourself what lesson you can learn.
6. Practice Self-Care
Rejection can wreak havoc on how you feel about yourself. How you feel about yourself affects how you think and how you behave, which has an impact on the quality of your life. So, after a rejection, carve out some time for self-care. Look for activities that make you feel good about yourself. Something that can help restore your confidence and self-esteem.
7. Practice Self-Affirmations
Affirmations can help you manage negative feelings better. So, when you are feeling rejected, repeat some positive phrases or statements. Telling yourself how great you are may seem odd, but words are powerful. As Michael Hyatt said: “Our words have power. They impact others, but they also impact us.”
8. Don’t Let Rejection Stop You
Rejection may appear to speak volumes. If you listen real close, though, all it says is that you are trying. So, keep your head up and continue to put yourself out there. As one popular expression says, “it’s always darkest before the dawn.”
9. Surround Yourself with People Who Care About You
Humans have a fundamental need to belong. So, it is not uncommon to feel sad and lonely after a rejection. To remind yourself that you still matter and that you are not alone, spend time with people who care about you.
10. Talk to a Professional
Researchers have found that rejection can create serious mental, emotional, and social challenges. It can be difficult to handle those issues on your own. So, if you find yourself struggling, consider talking to a professional. Mental health professionals can show you how to handle the experience constructively. They could also help you refocus your goals and find the best way to move on with your life.
11. Focus on the Positive
The brain tends to give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. Researchers call this a negativity bias. When you focus on the negative — even unconsciously — you may experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and dissatisfaction. One way to counter the brain’s negative bias is to avoid negative self-talk.
12. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It is tough not to compare your life to others. Especially when social media puts people’s life on display for all to see. Remember, however, that people rarely let you see the real picture, only the highlights. So, stay in your lane as they say, and do not worry about what everyone else is doing.
Benefits of Knowing How To Handle Rejection
Learning how to handle rejection better is not an easy task. However, if you dare to push through, you could change your life for the better. Here are some of the benefits of knowing how to handle rejection well.
- Builds Resilience: Sir James Dyson’s successful vacuum is the result of 5,126 rejects. We live in an instant gratification world. However, some of the best things in life rarely happen overnight. Life could also hand you some ‘Ls’ along the way. Resilience can help you handle rejection with grace.
- Source of Motivation: If you want to achieve something, and someone keeps turning you down, your only choice is to get better. In that respect, rejection can be a powerful motivator. As Thomas Jefferson said: “If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.”
- Helps You Refocus: Einstein said: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Rejection forces you to stop and take a hard second look.
- Builds Courage: When you know how to handle rejection, you realize it has no power over you. That knowledge can give you the courage to take more risks.
Rejection is an equal opportunity stalker. All of us are going to run into denials at one point or another. Being turned down can be a tough pill to swallow and can create emotions like fear, anxiety, and self-doubt. However, instead of wishing for a life of automatic approvals, learn how to handle being turned down better.
Being told ‘no’ is rarely the end of the line. Plus, it could also be a signal to move on to bigger and better things. So, the next time rejection finds you amid your life’s journey look it dead in the eye and say: I can handle you.
